


Turn of a Switch Crack

by spaceliquid



Series: Turn of a Switch [2]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime, Transformers: Shattered Glass
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Humor, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-10 03:36:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2009457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceliquid/pseuds/spaceliquid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just what the title suggests: a collection of cracky humorous snippets taking place in ToaS universe.<br/>Will update with the main fic’s progress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Starscream gets a surprise

Starscream was extremely proud of his new Decepticon marks. More than that, his marks were branded by Megatron himself! This ensured Starscream’s high position among Decepticon ranks and opened a highway into Megatron’s favor. When the Decepticon leader sees what an invaluable asset Starscream is, he will doubtlessly show… appreciation.

Filled with these pleasant daydreams, the Seeker was following his new lord to the command center, when his thought process was interrupted by a joyful cry:

“Megatron!”

Orion Pax, who obviously has just returned from his meeting with those spineless followers of his, dashed towards his friend and jumped at him. He was immediately caught, and the archivist didn’t lose any time after that: he wrapped his legs around Megatron’s waist and tugged him into a passionate kiss.

Orion Pax. Primus damn Orion Pax! Starscream honestly couldn’t understand what Megatron saw in that boring, simple-minded, _plain_ data clerk. Starscream was so much… _more_ than him! More competent, more influential, more beautiful! Seriously, there were mechs who were ready to kill for wings and legs like his. And still Megatron fancied this… librarian.

The kiss broke, and now Orion was nuzzling Megatron’s cheek, purring like a big cat. Starscream nearly purged his tanks, thankful that the gladiator faced away from him.

But then – suddenly - Orion looked straight at Starscream, his expression turning openly triumphant, and his hands that were clutching at Megatron’s shoulders formed a very familiar gesture, giving Starscream two middle fingers.

The Seeker felt his jaw drop and actually had to wipe his optics, so crazy this sight was. But when he looked back, Orion was nuzzling Megatron’s cheek again, optics offlined in bliss and hands stroking the gladiator’s plating.

Starscream blinked, then blinked once more and finally closed his mouth, not quite sure he didn’t imagine things. Because there was no way… _no way_ that cute, innocent, proper Orion Pax had just flipped him off.


	2. Soundwave gets uncomfortable

Soundwave was used to living with his abilities. Yes, his uncontrollable empathy wasn’t the best thing for keeping sanity, but at least it allowed him to feel somewhat closer to his unrequited crush. Although this time it became a little _too_ close.

He was sitting at the table right between Orion and Megatron. Their ministers sat on the other side, with the map of their territory projected on the tabletop (Soundwave meticulously blocked the memories of what their illustrious leaders did on a map very much like this one; strategizing will never be the same). On the outside, they were discussing serious matters. Two points made what happened on the inside different: the fact that most important problems were already solved, and the fact that Megatron had just returned from a long inspection to another city. 

Images and thoughts attacked the telepath from both sides; they were so charged with emotions and unhinged that Soundwave couldn’t block them.

_…Oh, what I’m gonna do to you…_

_…I’ll push you down and ride you till you beg for mercy…_

_…gonna lick you all over…_

_…I’ll make you suck my fingers as I frag you…_

_…I’d love to press you against the wall in the corridor where anyone can see…_

_…I missed you so much…_

_…I want you so much…_

Soundwave bit his lip under his mask and vented slowly, trying to seem unfazed. And those two were looking straight into each other’s optics! Soundwave could swear they were talking via comlink. He could intercept those messages if he wanted, but he definitely didn’t need to hear more. It was enough that he could see the images floating in their leaders’ minds.

No. He needed to concentrate on something else, as Ravage taught him. Concentrate on the officers’ emotions. They are normal. They are business-like. Think of economy and political tactics. Those are good topics, safe topics…

The image of Megatron sitting on this exact table and Orion having his lips wrapped around the warlord’s connector flooded Soundwave’s consciousness, and his cooling fans screeched loudly as an answer to his panicked [Override!].

The officers looked at him strangely, but Soundwave met their questioning stares with a blank façade of his mask and visor. Orion and Megatron didn’t notice anything.

They really had to end this meeting, and soon.


	3. SG Starscream gets rejected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a certain scene from Ouran High School Host Club (yes, I went there XD). Poor Kasanoda-kun!

He was going to do it. He was finally going to confess his feelings! Starscream never meant for them to be known (maybe after the war… wait, they were not at war anymore), but the appearance of the mysterious Prime changed everything.

Oh, Starscream could see how that newcomer (a very suspicious one!) ogled his lord, even if Megatron himself didn’t realize anything. His poor leader was so naïve sometimes! No, he was a great commander and a very kind and understanding leader, but in personal matters… Let’s just say that sometimes “professor of mathematics” is a diagnosis.

This was exactly why Starscream found the courage to confess. Straightforwardness was the only way to make Megatron see him not only as a second-in-command, but also as a doting lover, the only way to get his mind out of his stratagems.

This was exactly why he was fidgeting on a bench beside Megatron, face burning with heat and hands gripping the seat tightly. The tips of Megatron’s wings touched his own, and this somehow turned all his thoughts into jelly. Come on, Starscream, do it! Tell him! Tell him, and those wings will be all yours, no Optimuses will be allowed to caress them…

“Optimus! How nice to see you! Come, sit with us.”

Oh, frag.

Optimus Prime in all of his red and blue glory with vulgar flames painted on his arms. Instead of noticing that he’s intruding on a personal moment, he went closer and smiled.

“Spending time together?” His blue optics looked Starscream over. “You introduced Starscream as your second-in-command. Am I right to assume that he is also something more?”

Megatron beamed.

“That’s right, he is so much more!”

…what?

_W-what?!_

Starscream’s spark missed a beat and his visual sensors glitched for a moment. Was… Was he the one who was blind? Did Megatron reciprocate his feelings all along, but, after seeing no moves on Starscream’s part, decided not to push him until he was ready? Then Starscream could boldly confess right now, and then nothing will separate him from his leader ever aga…

“Starscream is my very best friend.”

It felt like a huge rock with the word “friend” on it dropped on Starscream’s head.

“I value our friendship so much.”

The rock was joined by another one.

“We will always be friends, right, Starscream?”

Now Megatron was looking at him. With those Primus-damned heavenly blue optics. Starscream gulped; Megatron grasped his hand gently and smiled, so innocently, so sincerely…

Oh, frag everything.

“Y-yes,” somehow Starscream managed to stop his voice from stuttering too much, “I am… very happy… to always be your friend, my liege.”

In all of Starscream’s not exactly peaceful life this was probably the most heroic thing he had ever done. But, when he thought of it… maybe it was also one of the most noble things.

It didn’t mean that Starscream was going to allow this dubious Optimus Prime to get his greasy hands on the Decepticon leader, though…


	4. Optimus gets creative

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to find a little time to write this down.

Optimus learned to appreciate his new Primely frame, and one of the best things about it was the possibility of taking more aggressive role in interface. Not that he didn't enjoy his “slow and gentle” approach (quite the contrary) or that he grew tired of playing with overload denial (he didn't)... But at times he wanted to try something new. And now he could thoroughly study the art of overloading his partner by power alone – something that was only available to Megatron before.

It proved to be a pretty addictive experience, and soon Optimus found himself experimenting with just how mighty he could make the energy surge. But then it hit him: he carried the greatest power source in the world in his chest!

And so the next time he got Megatron on his back with his legs wrapped around Optimus's waist, the former archivist tapped into the Matrix carefully, calling for a small bit of its energy.

Dazzling blue bolts ran through their connected systems to their fields and further through the berth and floor and walls. The lights on the ceiling blinked and cut down, immersing the room into darkness. Delicate consoles in the corner exploded, their screens shattering into pieces. Megatron's optics flashed white and offlined as violent convulsions shook his frame, leaving it to lie motionless, smoke rising from its seams.

Optimus, who still had his connector buried deep within the frozen port, could just stare with his mouth hanging open.

***

“..gone completely insane!? Just what were you thinking when you decided to use the energy of the Matrix!?”

Megatron's systems were slowly rebooting one by one, informing him about... quite strange inner damage. This corresponded with what he was hearing above him, words yelled by a gruff voice whose owner Megatron recognized as Ratchet:

“Half of his systems are fried, and another half are barely running! He's just lucky that he's so slaggin' durable! Were it a different mech, you would've _killed_ him!!!”

“I'm sorry...” Optimus sounded almost amusingly meek, and finally Megatron managed to get his optics to work. Well, one optic. It confirmed his guess: he was lying in what appeared to be the medbay, with Ratchet and Optimus arguing above him.

Prime squirmed, his lower lip wobbling.

“I thought it would be fun...” he whispered, and Ratchet seethed.

“Fun!? For Primus's sake, Optimus, the Matrix is a sacred relic, _not a sex toy_!”

This made Megatron cough, and the two mechs immediately turned their attention to him.

“You... U-kzzzzt-used the Matrix... On me? In inter...face?” Megatron burst in a fit of coughing that was supposed to be laughter. The medic scowled, unhappy with his patient straining his body, and Optimus just squirmed more, field quivering with guilt.

“That... Would've been... The greates-zzzzk-t end ever.” Everything in his body hurt, but Megatron just couldn't stop laughing. “Imagine... The headlines... ‘Lord of the Decepticons... fragged to death… with the Matrix!’”

“Don't joke with these things!” Now Optimus looked horrified and a bit scandalized, but his EM field washed over Megatron with relief.

That definitely felt better than guilt.


	5. Overlord gets in trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overlord manages to travel to an alternative reality, but what he sees is not what he expected. Post-epilogue crack.

The universe Overlord traveled to was a strange one: mechs here looked like they were half-eviscerated. Their armor didn't cover their body completely (and, frankly speaking, couldn't really be called an armor with so many gaps) and their faces lacked smooth protective finish. Overlord recognized Megatron only because local Optimus called him by name; fortunately, at least Optimus himself was easier to recognize, although those flames painted on his arms made him look un-Primely flamboyant.

But oh well; weird as they looked, they served as nice substitutes for Overlord to vent his hate on. And they truly didn't know about the killswitch; Overlord could beat them up happily, revelling in his power, and for a while it appeared like he was winning, one against two...

Until back-up arrived.

"Overlord!" Megatron yelled, optics wide in concern. "Be careful, he's just as powerful as you!"

Overlord? As in – local Overlord? The triple changer retreated to a safer distance and glanced back, curious enogh to halt the battle... and froze.

The huge mech – the other him, apparently – had a paintjob of soft pastel colors, pink being the most prominenet, and naive blue optics. Right now he was shifting uncomfortably, holding a blaster like it could bite him.

"But my lord," he whimpered, "what if I hurt you or Optimus Prime? You know I sometimes hurt people by accident..."

Overlord's processor sizzled and shorted out.

***

He woke up to the sight of Optimus Prime staring down at him. This shouldn't be very intimidating... Yet for some reason it was. This Prime had something fierce in his gaze, and the expression on his unmasked face belonged to a mech who was fed up with everything.

“You are awake, I see.”

Overlord smirked, trying his shackles (they didn't give).

“Awake and alive. It seems here, in this world, you have a soft spark too.”

Prime's upper lip twitched in a snarl.

“Why is it that only you bloodthirsty maniacs go dimension-hopping? You seriously injured my friend and traumatized poor Overlord for life. He is still trying to come to terms with the fact that the other universe him is a sadistic murderer.”

The reminder of the other Overlord made the triple changer shudder. Oh slagging smelters, that was one freaky experience.

“Well, from what I figured, you are not going to kill me. What are you gonna do then, spank me?”

Optimus's smirk could rival Overlord's own in wickedness.

“Oh no... No, luckily for you, Megatron wouldn't approve of killing. But, _un_ luckily for you, he's in intensive therapy now, so it's my job to choose a punishment. And I think time spent in prison would do you good... Especially since you'll be able to share your adventures with a cellmate who'll understand you. In fact, I believe he'll understand you _too_ well...”

Okay, Optimus Prime definitely shouldn't look so threatening. What _was_ it with this crazy universe!?

***

The cell in which Overlord found himself was dark – almost impossibly dark, as if it was consuming all light like a living being. The triple changer rose to his full height, rubbing his cuffed wrists. He thought Optimus spoke of a cellmate?

“So... You are that traveler who nearly killed my brother.”

Overlord tensed, peering into the darkness. This voice managed to be booming and velvety at the same time, mockingly gentle and dripping poison. Now that Overlord's optics adjusted to the lack of illumination, he saw it – two red slits in the depth of the black void.

“Brother? And which one of those weaklings was your sibling?” He tightened his plating and licked his lips, already intrigued. Now, _this_ person seemed interesting.

The shadows moved, and their inhabitant stepped forward, letting the dim lamps from the corridor make him visible. Overlord's optic ridges rose: the figure that stood before him was terribly familiar; in fact, he had just seen the mech's carbon copy. Although this Optimus Prime bore purple and black – an apparition from a tarnished mirror.

“You touched what is mine...” The other Optimus began circling Overlord, and the triple changer suddenly noticed how sharp his claws looked. “You dared to lay your hands on my brother, my dear foolish brother...”

What happened next resembled a blur of a motion; Overlord fought back, of course, but he was weakened after the previous fight, and even his superwarrior strength couldn't help against the sheer raw power, the wild outburst of primeval rage that was unleashed upon him. And then Overlord found himself sprawled on the floor, the _unnaturally wrong_ monstrous Prime straddling his chest, licking energon from his stained claws.

“My brother's pain, my brother's death belong to _me_ , and only me,” he whispered, optics unhealthily bright and smile too wide. “I am the Prime, the one who sees the underside of the world and speaks with the gods; only I can rip him apart, only I am allowed to see his agony, and you took what is Prime's. The crime you committed is sacrilege, and your punishment shall be delivered by the Prime's hand...”

For the first time in his life Overlord met someone who was more insane and more frightening than him... And when the other Optimus ripped his armor open, Overlord screamed like a little sparkling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I aimed for humor, but it turned out kinda macabre?  
> I blame SG!Prime.


End file.
